


Only a girl

by scalira



Series: Birthday Fics [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Human AU, childhood AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-19
Updated: 2016-09-19
Packaged: 2018-08-16 01:20:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8081125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scalira/pseuds/scalira
Summary: So here's the thing about Clary Fray.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday, Fay! I hope you like this!

Here’s the thing about Clary Fray: Clary Fray is short. She’s too short for her age, and too skinny too. And being short and skinny _and_ having bright red hair are usually enough for people to start picking on you, but Clary is also a bit weird. At least that’s what people tell her. Her hands and arms are always covered in doodles and paint, her hair pulled into half ponytails, half buns with a pencil or paint brush stabbed through them, her jeans splattered with paint. She knows the names of all the big artists and talks about them like they’re old friends, sits through recess in the classroom to finish the drawing she was working on instead of playing outside.

People don’t like her. Nobody at school wants to talk to her, and when they’re forced to work with her they make a whole thing about it, as if it’s the worst thing to ever happen to them.

But then Simon Lewis walks into her life, like an angel in a Renaissance painting.

Simon moves to New York when they’re both six and gets put into Clary’s class. He doesn’t know Clary is weird or that he’s supposed to dislike her and that he should play with the other kids. Instead, he sits next to her during their first period and shares his brand new crayons with her.

They work on a drawing together during recess. It’s the first time Clary has something to share, so she holds back on drawing and instead just watches Simon. He isn’t as good as she is and uses colors that don’t go together, but his glasses slip off the bridge of his nose in concentration and Clary thinks this is the best thing to ever happen to her.

They make up a story as they draw, about a dragon guarding a treasure in a cave, and then about a second dragon to keep him company, and that’s the start of their friendship.

*

Clary only has one friend, but Simon gets sick a lot and often stays home from school. And when he does, Clary is alone again. There’s nobody to share drawings with or to talk to during lunch or to sit with. And when Simon is gone, the bullies start bothering her again.

Clary usually sits out recess in the girl’s restroom if her teacher makes her go outside, but the bullies get to her before she can reach the restroom. They push her back and pull her hair and snatch her sketch book out of her hands, ripping out pages and laughing. Clary begs them to stop, but a particularly mean bully just shoves her on the ground and tells her to shut up.

The other kids usually look away when someone gets bullied. Luke tells Clary it’s because they’re scared to get bullied too, but Clary is still angry at them for being so cowardly. She would _never_ allow someone else to get bullied if she could stop it, even if that meant she would get bullied even more ruthlessly.

She thinks she must be the only kid in the entire world who thinks like that, but that’s before she gets to know Isabelle Lightwood.

Isabelle is a grade higher than Clary is, so she never really sees her around. Every grade kind of keeps to themselves and doesn’t mix with other grades, especially not lower ones, but Isabelle doesn’t seem to care about that as she stands in front of Clary that day, shielding her from the bully in front of her.

“Give that back,” Isabelle demands, snatching the now torn sketch book out of the hands of a bully. Then she shoves the bully closest to Clary away.

“Leave her alone!” She bites. “Or I’m getting Mr. Rodriguez!”

The bullies stick out their tongue at Isabelle, but the threat of getting Mr. Rodriguez is enough for them to spread out and walk away.

Isabelle turns around to face Clary. The first thing about her that Clary notices is her bruised knees, a My Little Pony Band-Aid put over one of her bruises.

“Are you okay?” She asks, offering her hand to pull Clary to her feet.

“Yeah, thanks,” Clary mutters shyly, jerking back her hand as soon as she’s on her feet. Isabelle looks at her, biting her lip, and then holds up her sketch book.

“Is this yours?”

Clary nods and reaches out to take it back. There are some pages and drawings missing, but most of the book is still somewhat intact.

“If they bother you again, you just come find me, okay?” Isabelle insists. “I’ll make sure they don’t hurt you. I’m Isabelle, by the way.”

Clary doesn’t say she already knew that because she heard her name being called once and saw her sprinting across the playground, instead looks up to her through her eyelashes and says: “I’m Clary.”

Isabelle nods solemnly, looks at Clary for a moment longer and then walks away.

Clary does no longer have only one friend after that day.

*

Clary realizes school is way less horrible when you have friends to sit with. She has Simon in class and Isabelle and her friends during recess. Those friends consist of Lydia and Jace, who are both in the same grade Isabelle is in. Her brother Alec is a grade higher and obviously feels too important and grown up to play with them, but Clary still encounters him when she comes over at Izzy’s house. They often play together after school and sometimes Jace joins them, playing Ken while Clary and Izzy play Barbie or sitting with them as they watch cartoons. Clary finds herself busy every afternoon now; either she’s at Simon’s, Simon’s is at her place or she’s at the Lightwood’s.

Her years in elementary school fly past like this. Her last year before middle school is harder again because Izzy, Jace and Lydia are no longer there, but she still has Simon by her side. They survive elementary school together, and then they face middle school together.

Middle school is weird. Her body goes through a lot of changes and her hormones make it impossible to remain the nice, shy girl she’s always been. She’s picking fights with teachers now, talking back to them about things that matter to her and correcting them when they mispronounce the name of a famous artist or badmouth certain art. Simon is still as shy as ever and tries to calm Clary down, but her hair is no longer the only thing fierce about her.

And Isabelle is there too. They still sit together during lunch and come around each other’s houses,  having replaced Barbie dolls with nail polish and teen magazines. They have sleepovers where they barely sleep and just stay up talking, tucked away in their blanket cocoon. Isabelle’s knees are no longer bruised and she stopped climbing trees when her mom told her that’s not ladylike behavior.

Simon is over at the Lightwood’s a lot too now. He and Jace developed a friendship based on their shared hatred for math and interest in the same girl, and they spend most of their time in Jace’ room playing video games and pretending to do homework.

Clary thinks she might have a crush on Jace for a solid three months, and Isabelle tries to make Simon fall in love with her out of boredom. They’ve discovered the power they have over boys, especially when they twirl their hair and laugh sweetly at their jokes, and Isabelle is really good at using this new found power in her advantage.

Of course Simon is head over heels for her in an instant. He follows her around school like a puppy and carries her books and does her homework for her. Clary is only a little bit jealous that Simon’s spending more time with Isabelle now, though she’s not sure who she’s jealous of.

Jace takes Clary to the school dance on the last day of school before high school and they have their first kiss in the hallway. It’s mostly just wet and weird, and Clary doesn’t feel anything about it, but at least she no longer has to stress about her first kiss.

The summer leading up to high school is filled with nervous giggles and hot days. Clary spends most of her time at the public pool with her friends and Isabelle starts sleeping over at Clary’s more because she doesn’t like it at home. They share a bed and lie face to face, whispering secrets between them until their eyes are drooping and exhaustion pulls them under. There’s something intimate about those nights together, something sacred. Whenever Simon asks what exactly they’re always talking about, Clary can’t find it in her to tell him.

Isabelle tells her everything she needs to know about high school. What to wear, what after school activities to do, which teachers to avoid. And she waits for her every single period, standing next to her class room as if she memorized her schedule just to guide her to her next class or to the school cafeteria to eat lunch together.

Their friend group expands the longer they’re in high school. Alec finally decides he’s no longer too cool to hang with his brother and sister and sits with them during lunch, and he brings Magnus Bane with him. Clary immediately likes Magnus, but falls a little bit in platonic love with him when he compliments the shirt she’s wearing and recognizes the artist the drawing on it is based on.

Simon drags a shorter boy to their lunch table in their Sophomore year, introducing him as Raphael Santiago. Raphael mostly looks uninterested in participating in any kind of conversation, but Simon still looks pleased to have him sitting with them.

Isabelle is asked to Senior prom by a boy with brown hair and golden skin and later tells Clary everything about how he’d kissed her in his car and told her she was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen. Clary listens to her and hums at the right times, but she suddenly feels sick to her stomach.

She won’t understand why until a few years later.

*

Here’s the thing about Clary Fray: she doesn’t like boys. Never has, never will. She tried to, has gone on enough dates with them to last a lifetime, but they don’t make her feel anything at all.

Girls make her feel things, though. And a lot of them. She gets all shy and giddy when a girl talks to her or accidentally brushes past her. She likes looking at them in the locker rooms and fantasizing about them in bed. About how it would feel like to kiss a girl, to hold her hand, to touch her.

She tells Simon first. It’s hard getting the words over her lips and admit it to anyone else but herself, but this is _Simon_. He’s been her best friend since they were little. She’s sure he won’t be weird about it.

And he isn’t. In fact, he tells her he’s pansexual right after Clary tells him she thinks she might be a lesbian. Clary has to ask what that means exactly, but they just end up talking about girls and boys and it feels _right_ with him.

She tells more people after him. She tells Jace, who grins and asks if he can help her find a girlfriend, and Magnus, who congratulates her and welcomes her to the Non Straight Club.

The hardest person to tell is Isabelle, though. Because, if Clary is being completely honest with herself, she mostly gets sweaty palms and butterflies when she’s around Izzy. Sleepovers are becoming harder and harder for Clary, especially because she just wants to reach over the small space between their bodies to kiss her.

But Izzy is her best friend, and she deserves to know what’s going on in Clary’s life.

“What’s going on with you today?” Izzy asks the day Clary has chosen to tell her. They’re on Clary’s bed, doing their homework while listening to Halsey in the background. Clary has been building up the courage to come out for the past two hours and has done nothing except doodling in the margin of her math book.

“Uh,” Clary starts, putting down her pencil. She guesses she can’t hold it off any longer. “I, uh. I need to tell you something, Izzy.”

Isabelle closes her math book and sits up, a frown tugging at her eyebrows. “Okay, spill it. You look like you’re gonna faint or something.”

Clary has practiced what she was gonna say for hours in front of her mirror, but now that she’s sitting in front of Isabelle instead of her reflection she’s lost for words. She desperately tries to start somewhere, _anywhere_ , but all that leaves her mouth is a choked sigh. It remains silent for seconds, minutes, maybe even hours, but Izzy doesn’t try to fill the silence. She just waits, which means she must know how important this is for Clary.

“I’m – I,” Clary stutters, tears suddenly blurring her vision. She’s scared Izzy doesn’t ever want to talk to her again when she tells her she’s gay, or that she’ll think Clary has a crush on her and never wants to have a sleepover again (and, okay, the crush thing might be true, but she’s not planning on telling Izzy that). She almost chokes on the words, but she _needs_ to say this. So she looks away from Izzy’s big, brown eyes and blurts: “Izzy, I’m gay.”

“Oh, babe,” Izzy breathes, reaching out to touch Clary’s shoulder. “Please don’t cry. It’s okay, Clary.”

“Really?”

“Of course it is! Why wouldn’t it be?”

Clary shrugs. “I don’t know,” she sniffs, wiping away the tears. “I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to be friends anymore? This doesn’t change anything, sweetie. Do you want a hug?”

Clary nods, and Izzy’s arms are around her body immediately. Clary buries her face in the crook of Izzy’s neck and breathes in her familiar scent.

“Do your parents know?” Izzy asks, still holding onto Clary.

“Not yet, but I don’t think they’ll make a big deal out of it. I was just scared about how you would react.”

“Did you really think I’d drop you as a friend?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I’m sorry, I’m ridiculous.”

Izzy squeezes her arms and pulls her even closer, softly stroking her hair. “Don’t apologize. It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere, Clary. Okay?”

Clary pulls back just enough to offer her a watery smile. “Okay,” she says.

*

Clary eventually comes out to all her friends and parents, and everyone takes it very well. High school is a different experience after that; girls start asking her out and she has her first kiss with Maureen Brown on a date to the butterfly gardens, and it’s so much better than her kiss with Jace ever was. She takes Maureen to their Senior prom and they cheer loudly when Simon and Izzy are elected prom king and queen, enduring Raphael’s deadly glares and bad mood when they take the floor to share the first dance.  His bad mood disappears as soon as Simon comes rushing over to him and kisses him straight on the lips, though, and the whole school cheers for them.

They all go out together after prom, making a pit stop at home to change and get their fake IDs to get into Pandemonium. Clary misses Izzy, but she graduated last year and is probably busy trying to survive finals at college right about now.

And then Clary is graduating too, listening to Simon talk about starting new lives and meeting new people, about the ending and beginning of different chapters, about hope and friends and love.

The summer is searing hot and slow. Izzy comes home from college to spend time with her friends, and they decide to go on a roadtrip together. Izzy and Clary have to share a bed more than once, but Izzy never seems to mind.

*

Here’s the thing about Clary Fray: she never stopped doodling. She still uses sharpie to draw flowers on her hands, wrists, forearms. Isabelle starts doing it too in Clary’s second year of college.

They’re sharing an apartment with a girl named Maia and her girlfriend Lily, and despite both having a room for themselves Izzy is in Clary’s room all the time. They still do their homework together, and they watch Netflix together, and they talk about everything and anything together. Izzy keeps Clary updated about Alec’s life after college and mentions that he has finally moved in with Magnus after dating him for four years. Jace dropped out of college after his first year and is now running a coffee truck, and she tells her about a boy he keeps talking about.

“He has a tattoo parlor downtown,” she says while doodling random things on her arms. Clary watches her for a while, fingers itching, before she takes the sharpie from her and starts her own design on Izzy’s other arm.

“Yeah?” Clary asks.

Izzy hums. “Jace can’t stop talking about him. I haven’t even met the guy yet, but I already know he has blue tips and a whole sleeves of tattoos and that he has a lip piercing and sometimes wears make-up. Jace even told me he has a really cool back tattoo, though I’m not sure how he knows that.”

Clary shrugs. “Maybe they have a thing together.”

She expects Izzy to laugh and remind her that Jace is straight, but she seems to consider it for a moment. “Yeah, maybe,” she says eventually. “That would make Christmas dinners even more awkward.”

Clary makes a face. “Well, at least they let Alec come home over the holidays?”

“But they don’t allow him to bring Magnus. They try to ignore him being gay as much as possible. It’s ridiculous.”

“I’m sorry,” Clary says, biting her lip. Maybe she can invite them all over at her place for Christmas; she’s sure Luke and her mom won’t mind.

Izzy shrugs, watching Clary draw little swirling patterns on her arm.

“I’m thinking about getting a tattoo,” she declares suddenly. “Maybe you could draw my design and I’ll get tattooed at the tattoo parlor of Jace’ boyfriend.”

“You would let me do that?”

Isabelle looks up to meet Clary’s eyes and smiles. “Of course I would,” she says softly.

Something Clary has been trying to push down for years stirs in her chest, and she feels the urge to just lunge forward and kiss Isabelle senseless.

But instead, she draws a tiny heart on Izzy’s wrist, on her pulse point, and smiles.

*

Their first kiss is during the summer following Izzy’s graduation from college. Meliorn, who is in fact Jace’ tattoo boyfriend, is throwing a party to celebrate Jace’ blooming coffee business and Izzy and Clary dance and drink together the entire night, laughing at Simon’s ridiculous dance moves. They talk about high school together, remembering stuff like the trip they took to Mount Rushmore for AP Geography and how they had shared a tent during their camping trip, talking the entire night and being so tired in the morning Clary had almost tripped into the river.

“Let’s go stargazing,” Izzy suggests halfway through the night. Meliorn’s house is cramped and hot from all the bodies pressed together, and Clary is more than grateful to follow Izzy up the stairs to find access to the roof.

They walk in on Raphael and Simon making out in one of the bedrooms, but thankfully they’re both still fully dressed and Clary gets away with a giggled apology instead of a lasting trauma. They eventually find a way up on the roof, and Izzy helps Clary outside before sitting down.

“Do you know what you’re gonna do now?” Clary wonders, sitting down next to her.

“I’m starting in a morgue downtown this Monday,” Izzy says, lowering herself onto her back to gaze up at the stars.

“Morbid,” Clary comments. Isabelle chuckles softly.

“Maybe, but it’s what I majored in. What about you? You know what you’re gonna do after college yet?”

“No, not really. Probably gonna try to make it as a freelance artist, though I highly doubt it’ll pay my bills.”

“Hey,” Isabelle says, turning her head to look at Clary, “you’re the best artist I know, alright? If anyone is gonna make it, it’s you.”

Clary feels her cheeks burn up and quickly ducks down to lie down as well and hide her blush. Izzy searches for Clary’s hand to hold.

“Clary,” she starts, softly. Unsurely. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course you can,” Clary replies, no doubt in her voice.

Isabelle takes a deep, shaky breath and says: “I’m bisexual.”

“Oh,” Clary says. “Congrats.”

Isabelle pushes herself up on her elbows to look down to Clary. “That’s not all,” she confesses, “I’m – you… okay, I _need_ to say this before starting my new life and being an adult and maybe not seeing you ever again. So here goes nothing: I’m in love with you, Clary. Have been since high school. I didn’t know it back then, but college opened my eyes. I realized my feelings for you weren’t just platonic. And look, I understand that you won’t feel the same just because you’re gay, and it’s okay if you don’t. I just… I needed to tell you. Because you might be discovered and fly off to Japan or move to a fancy city in Europe and I’ll never see you again and I just needed you to know.”

Clary’s heart is beating painfully fast in her chest as she pushes herself up too. Isabelle is avoiding eye contact and nervously fidgeting with her fingers, so Clary reaches out to cover one of her hands with her own.

“Izzy,” she starts, voice shaking just slightly, “I – I don’t know what to say…”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Izzy insists, getting to her feet while still not looking at Clary, “I just needed you to hear it.”

She makes a move to crawl back inside through the open window, but Clary curls her hand around Izzy’s wrist, over the floral pattern she drew for her tattoo, and pulls her back. They’re standing face to face now, chest to chest, and everything Clary wanted to say dies on her lips. She can only think about Isabelle, about her big, brown eyes, and how she had just told her she’s _in love_ with her.

So instead of saying anything at all, she just closes the space between them and kisses her.

Kissing Isabelle is _exactly_ like Clary thought it would be. Izzy’s lips are soft and taste of strawberry, and they part willingly for Clary when she tilts her head to deepen the kiss. Izzy moves the hand Clary isn’t holding to tangle it in Clary’s long hair, and Clary pulls her closer by placing a hand on the small of her back.

They eventually pull back from the kiss to rest their foreheads against each other, both breathing heavily.

“I’m in love with you too,” Clary whispers, as if that wasn’t obvious enough already.

Izzy smiles. “Good.”

“Yeah,” Clary giggles, “really good.”

*

Clary in fact does become a freelance artist after graduating from college, and it doesn’t take long for her to move in with Isabelle. Living with her isn’t much different from sharing an apartment with her back in their college days, except they share a bed now and there’s more kissing and touching and dating involved. They even get a cat together.

And it’s _so_ good. Sure, they have their arguments, but they never go to bed angry. It’s even better than Clary could’ve ever imagined.

Their first months together turn into a year, and then another year, and soon they’ve been dating for three years. Isabelle proposes to her on the same roof they shared their first kiss on (they have to break in because the house no longer belongs to Meliorn, who moved in with Jace not long after Clary and Isabelle started dating) and then suddenly Clary is no longer just _dating_ her best friend. She’s _engaged_ to her.

Magnus is more than happy to plan their wedding. Alec has to hold him back and talk him out of going too extreme, like getting some elephants for the wedding or ordering a giant wedding cake, but he still makes something beautiful out of it.

Isabelle weds Clary in a long, golden dress. Clary is the one wearing the white dress (they played rock-paper-scissors to decide who got to marry in virgin white, considering that neither of them is a virgin) and Luke gives her away at the aisle. Clary and Izzy both cry, and Jocelyn and Luke cry too, and even Raphael wipes at his eyes by the end of it.

The reception is small and intimate, just their closest friends and family. Jace does a toast for them that makes Clary cry and Alec and Magnus gift them a honeymoon to Indonesia. Luke gets slightly drunk and slow dances with Meliorn, who’s blushing brightly by the time Jace manages to snatch him away.

Isabelle snatches Clary away when Simon climbs on a table and starts singing _Girls like Girls_ extremely off-key while Raphael tries to get him off and just gets pulled onto the table himself. She pulls her outside, into the fresh spring air, and reels her in for a long, deep kiss.

“I love you,” she states when she pulls back.

“I would hope so,” Clary smiles, “you did just marry me.”

“Mhh,” Isabelle hums, pulling Clary against her and wrapping her arms around her waist. “The best decision I ever made.”

“Oh, this reminds me,” Clary says, “I got you a wedding gift.”

“Oh, you mean besides doing me the absolute pleasure of becoming my wife?”

Clary giggles and swiftly kisses Isabelle on the lips.

“No, something else. Come on.” She pulls her along, behind the building the reception is taking place in. A single telescope is placed on the grass.

“Here,” Clary points, “look through it. I already set it up correctly earlier when I told you I was going to the bathroom.”

Izzy looks at her confused but does as instructed. Clary doesn’t need to look through the telescope to know what exactly it’s focused on, but Izzy isn’t so sure.

“What exactly am I looking at?” She wonders. Clary comes to stand behind her and places her hands on Izzy’s waist.

“You’re looking at your own star,” she explains.

Izzy looks up from the telescope to look at her wife instead. “You named a star after me?”

Clary bites her lip in order not to smile too widely and nods. Izzy turns around to pull her in an embrace.

“That’s the cheesiest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

Clary rolls her eyes fondly. “You love it.”

Izzy smiles affectionately. “I love _you_.”

“I love you too,” Clary says, and then moves to kiss her.

It’s their umpteenth kiss that night, but only having the stars as their witness somehow makes it better than any of the kisses shared between them today. It’s almost like their first kiss, except that they are now both wearing a golden ring around their fingers and there’s a promise of forever on their lips.

So here’s the thing about Clary Fray: she’s still short and skinny. Her hair is still bright red. She still doesn’t like boys, and she never stopped doodling.

And she married the prettiest girl in the whole wide world.


End file.
